The Days Grimm Podcast
The Days Grimm, "arguably Indiana's most comical, thrilling, and controversial podcast", This three-pronged mandate acts as a primary filter for their guest selection. The "comical" aspect is reflected in its official genre of "COMEDY INTERVIEWS" and its history of hosting local stand-up comedians. The "thrilling" component is evident in interviews with individuals who have extraordinary life stories, such as people who survived shootings, rare medical conditions, and combat. Finally, the "controversial" element is demonstrated by Brian & Thomas’ willingness to engage in difficult or unfiltered conversations, touching on topics like homelessness, artificial intelligence, and religious hypotheticals.
A crucial element of the show's tone is its tagline, "Brought to you by Sadness & ADHD (non-medicated)". This self-aware and raw positioning signals a modern comedic sensibility that embraces vulnerability and finds humor in personal struggle. The podcast's brand is not built on polished narratives but on the authentic, often messy, intersection of hardship and humor. The most compelling guests are those who have navigated a "Grimm" reality and emerged with a story to tell, and ideally, a sense of humor about it. This dynamic is the core of the show's appeal and the primary filter for identifying a story worth telling.
The Days Grimm Podcast
Comedy Cache 014: Dylan Kennedy & Zak Pollard
...Get ready to laugh until it hurts
This week on The Days Grimm Podcast, hosts Brian Michael Day and Thomas Grimm crack open the vault for a brand-new Comedy Cache episode! From outrageous stories and internet finds to bizarre headlines and local absurdities, the guys deliver their signature mix of dark humor, randomness, and ridiculousness.
đź’€ In this episode:
- The internet’s strangest videos and wildest moments
- Dumb criminals doing what they do best
- Awkward encounters, weird inventions, and accidental genius
- Rapid-fire jokes, unfiltered banter, and off-the-rails tangents
- A few life lessons buried somewhere between the laughter
This “Comedy Cache” special is pure chaos — part talk show, part therapy session, and all Days Grimm. Whether you’re driving, working, or just need a break from the serious side of life, this episode will have you laughing, shaking your head, and wondering what did I just listen to?
Hit play and join the madness — because life’s too short not to laugh at the grim stuff.
[The Days Grimm Podcast Links]
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDaysGrimm
- Our link tree: linktr.ee/Thedaysgrimm
- GoFundMe account for The Days Grimm: https://gofund.me/02527e7c
[The Days Grimm is brought to you by]
Sadness & ADHD (non-medicated)
Oh, I w I wouldn't have known. I wouldn't have known what what it was. I'm not kidding. I had no idea those were the same thing. I'd always heard glue. I think glute and I'm just trying to put it in the glute.
Speaker 3:I really want to feel it.
Speaker:It's our new pump-up song.
Speaker 3:God bless you, God bless America. Welcome to another thrilling episode of the day's Grimm. My name is Brian Michael Day.
Speaker 4:My name is Thomas Grimm. But that is not how we normally introduce, I don't think, comedy cachets. I don't know. It's been so long since we've done a comedy cachet.
Speaker 3:It's been too long.
Speaker 4:We had to bring in our comedy cachet most attendee.
Speaker 3:Uh yes, uh our esteemed uh colleague, comedy cachet professional, funniest guy you fucking know, dude. Funniest kid with Asperger's you've ever met.
Speaker 1:No gallbladder, Billy.
Speaker 4:Now joining us in the Days Grim Studio for Comedy Cachet number 14 is Zach Pollard and Dylan Kong. Dylan Kennedy.
Speaker 3:Dylan Kong Kong.
Speaker 4:Dylan Kong. Well, I had three after the K and Zach's last thing, and I had to delete it. Take that off.
Speaker 1:I was just kidding when I said that off microphones.
Speaker 4:Yeah, no, yeah, I took it off, but I just like to give Brian something to bleep in the first few minutes.
Speaker 1:What's the religion the KKK hates? I love all of them. Everything's every religion. Yeah. They don't even like Catholics, right? I think they're all Catholic. Yeah, they're all Catholics. And then there's Kanye. What is Kanye these days?
Speaker 3:Black? What are you asking, dude?
Speaker 4:No, I think he's Christian. I think there's another Christian album called.
Speaker 3:Oh, I thought you were asking like his ethnicity. I think he's just playing. I think he's black. Yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I think so, yeah.
Speaker 3:Did you see? Did you see his music video?
unknown:Oh my god.
Speaker 1:I have no. I I try to not consume. Do not pull it up. And I don't want to see it.
Speaker 3:So I don't want to see it. So will you so good. Can you can we talk about it or should we not talk about it? Yeah, it's my alarm clock. Okay. Well, will you explain it? Because you know that you're like, we can't explain it. Okay. Well, anyways, basically, Kanye plays the role of like a member as a black guy. That's not in the music video. It's not?
Speaker 4:No.
Speaker:No.
Speaker 4:The music video was he just like made a casting call and he's like, I need like 50 African American dudes in African tribe apparel.
Speaker 3:Uh-huh.
Speaker 4:And we're gonna Oh, and they did chance.
Speaker 3:Like of Yeah, Brian will bleep me, but if I say word Yeah, I would that does get bleeped out. That's another thing. Dylan, welcome to the welcome to the days grim where nothing is off limits. However, a lot of shit gets edited. So you're safe here, bro. This is a safe space, I promise, dude. We're not trying to get anybody fired or ruin a crowd.
Speaker 4:We're trying to get canceled, but we're not trying to get you canceled. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:Never say where I work. No, it's my favorite expression is keep it in. So okay. I like that advantage push farther, you know. Just make fan of that method.
Speaker 3:Yeah, are you what's that fucking uh saying where it's like are you a pull out or a push further back guy? I can't fucking remember. It's so funny. Are you a pinky?
Speaker 4:I think you're referring to like if you were fucking your mom, but your dad was fucking you in the ass, would you push forward or pull back?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that saying. That's one of my favorite sayings, actually. I grew up uh saying that all the time as a child.
Speaker 4:This kind of assumes that yeah, this is videos is definitely like shadow banned on YouTube already in the first four minutes.
Speaker 3:Well, those get bleeped out, obviously. Anyways, okay. So, Dylan, how are you, sir? I'm great. Doing good? Thanks for having me. Uh Zachariah. Brother Zachariah, how are you doing? You doing okay, Zach?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. I'm doing I I like you saw driving a haunt L. I've done better. New whip. Yeah, the ambulance was way better. Yeah, yeah, it is way better. Not running currently. Yeah, not running in the driveway of my apartment complex. Out of complex. Everybody, yeah, everybody in the apartment complex loves me. Uh yeah. Sure, that yeah, taking a little more than a parking space with something that hasn't hasn't moved in a month.
Speaker 4:And if there's a fire in the complex, like you're not helping anybody. You know what I mean?
Speaker 3:Yeah, dude. Could you imagine?
Speaker 4:You're gonna ruin my bed. You're bleeding. No. Dude, that's so fucked. Oh well, dude. Um did they write a new part of your lease in? Like, you will not sub sub-lease your ambulance in the meantime.
Speaker 3:Nor will you subcontract as an EMT because you know nothing about saving life.
Speaker 4:Have you thought about listing the ambulance as like an Airbnb? No, not a single time.
Speaker 1:I guys, it's not right, but I I want you to like picture what it's like every time I'm trying to talk Maya into saying in it somewhere. Like no, it'd be way better, hon. Than a than a hotel with a shower.
Speaker 4:Dude, it would be funny to get one of those, like, what are those like people that deliver babies at home, like a midwife, and but you got a midlife to deliver the baby in the ambulance? Yeah. Like that would be fire. That's hot. Um, so so uh we're just getting a little warm up and Dylan, we've never had you in for an interview before. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, like, how long have you been doing comedy? Um, I'm still within my first year. Uh, I started back in early February. I wish we had that baby goat sound from uh Kill Twin.
Speaker 3:Some dude swecking it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, dude. Fuck yeah. God, dude. So the way you haven't been on a show before, so the way these kind of work is like we all kind of just throw out like an idea or a topic that we've been like joking about. Like I call Brian with mine last night, and this other one we kind of spitballed, and then like he's kind of been working on this one that he's got, so we'll we'll probably start with that one. But then if you can think of one throughout the thing, even if it's just one word, Brian loves like loud nun pussy or gay dogs, love gay dogs. And that's that's all he brings to the table is just like I think there'd be something funny about gay dogs, and then we just try to find some of them.
Speaker 1:I have no idea how ecstatic I was to look at that board and not see gay dogs on it.
Speaker 4:But there's 50 gay dogs that Brian has gotten blackout drunk and put in this bucket. No, but at the end of the show, every time we do a regular episode where we have just like somebody come in, we ask them at the end of the episode to throw something they think's funny is in the bucket down there, and so we'll pull one out at the end.
Speaker 3:Hell yeah. M. Night Shyamalan, is that how you say his last name? I don't know what you're talking about. M. Night Shyamalan plot twist. At the end of this, we're coming back to gay dog.
Speaker 2:Uh so spoiler alert, no. You're doing more of a Tarantino doing like the beginning before the end. Telling the end with the briefcase.
Speaker 4:I think they call that a hook. That's what you're gonna find out in this episode.
Speaker 1:Uh this will be your most watched because I will myself on camera. If it gets brought up again. That's fine. Uh Did we bring any lotion up? Oh, dude.
Speaker 3:I'll tell you what, nothing gets me harder than no. Okay, so um typically uh I feel like I've started off a lot of the comedy cachets, and I feel like I bring the most offensive uh jokes to the table. However, this go-around, I think the audience is gonna be pleased to know that your joke is wildly more offensive than mine. Yeah. I'm very excited about it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I've got some I you ran this idea by me, and I brought some shit up, and you were like, yo, I don't know if that's probably too far. And I was like, I can't wait for you to mention this.
Speaker 3:So I want to play with the hyperbole here. So that's kind of the point of this of this bit, hyperbole. So, alright, so we're gonna roll into it. I'm not a strong reader, and I wrote this like two months ago, so just bear with me, folks. Um, okay, Ouija boards. I don't want any of that Mickey Mouse fucking plastic Ouija board bullshit. I don't mess with those pussy ass boards. Uh if I'm gonna be talking to the dead, I want to board that scene some shit. You know what I mean? I want a Ouija board from like carved from the pine and oak that a fucking witch was burned alive on. I want a ink I want it inked in goat's blood under a lunar eclipse. I want the planchet to whisper ancient Latin every time it moves and scream if you try to leave. I want the kind of Ouija board that's locked in a Vatican vault guarded by a priest that hasn't blinked since 1842. It doesn't come with a if it doesn't come with a warning a warning from a blind old woman in a puff of black smoke, then get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 1:I I thought I don't want a Ouija board.
Speaker 3:Bro, do you know the house that we are in, bro? My wife will not let me do it. This is a two this is a 200. This is a 125-year-old house. So many dead people in here.
Speaker 1:Last place so many dead people in here. I don't want to talk to dead people. Like the last person I can possibly think of that I would want to talk to per personally.
Speaker 2:I don't care what they have to say.
Speaker 4:Um when he mentioned this idea to me, I was I was like, dude, a build-a-board store where like you could pick the water wanted more opinions, right? Like shouldn't have died. Right. Right. What are you gonna tell me? Like this one, uh, which was burned at the stake. This one hung like a family of 40 back in the day. You know what I mean?
Speaker 3:Like something like that. You like card, yeah. You have like different pieces of wood that they're gonna be able to do. Yeah, instead of goat's blood, we got baby blood, we got other blood, you know. Yeah, dude, we got virgin's blood, we got all kinds of cool shit. So here's my dude, build a board would be a sick bit. Here's where I think my shtick would be. Like, again, I'll never do comedy because I'm a huge fucking pussy. But that being said, if I ever were to like take on a persona on stage, it would definitely be like the because I love metal and like dark Norwegian animal sacrificial fucking witches and warlocks fucking dancing under full moons and shit with fucking werewolves in the background sucking each other off. That's the kind of shit I'm fucking into. Hell yeah. And I would just I think I would just embrace that. So all my jokes would be dark, and by dark I mean it would be like fucking satanistic or sadistic, satanic type of material it would just be like all dark black jokes. Not that sounds bad. Dark humor, yeah. Alright.
Speaker 4:Hey, that's what they call it in Europe.
Speaker 1:Keep it in, keep that in, keep that.
Speaker 3:No, but like I was thinking like black metal, you know what I mean?
Speaker 4:Like you don't have to explain yourself, you're already cancelled.
Speaker 3:That was 10 seconds ago. What if we call it death comedy? That would be my brain.
Speaker 1:You make sure you clip that right at the very least. At the moment.
Speaker 3:Dude, death comedy, dude. Death comedy. I think they're probably already as well. Yeah, that would be my bit, yeah. That would be my like my persona.
Speaker 1:The band you're bringing on, I have talked to you about like opening for them and just like saying yeah, yeah, super sick shit.
Speaker 3:I haven't talked to you about it yet, Tom. We're bucking up. Don't worry. Hell yeah. Wink wink kiss kiss. They're getting it. You know what I'm saying? Um no, but they're fucking they're fucking nice, dude. And they're from around from around here, like the southern Illinois area.
Speaker 1:Uh they're they're from Evansville, or at least the lead singer is that I know. Hell yeah. He's sick. Nice, dude. You know, when most people show you their music, you're like, uh, oh my god, please, yeah, just please fucking don't do this and stop.
Speaker 3:Bob Dylan's fucking blind, deaf sister.
Speaker 1:I have ever had someone try to show you your comedy to their comedy. It is a taco value. Oh. There's nothing worse than being like two cities away, just fucking ready to go to bed, and some dude's like showing you his stand-up or his music. But this guy is tight. This guy's tight as fuck. Like you really rolled the dice on him.
Speaker 3:You're like, alright, show him your shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it worked out. I didn't know you were a metal fan.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Nice. I fucked with it.
Speaker 3:Fuck yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Alright, anyway. So, what do we think on Ouija board? That's like the most complete joke I've ever written, as well, by the way. That's a fucking stanza. It's like goddamn.
Speaker 1:That's like Catholic gay dog.
Speaker 2:Fucking large mustache. It's an interesting concept. Or no, you don't hate it? No, I don't hate it. I mean, I'd not heard a tremendous amount of Ouija board jokes. So I think that's see, I think that's really niche and funny.
Speaker 3:It's fun, it's fun that you mentioned that because like I'm I'm deep in like the metal world, right? So like I have this metal joke that I that I've worked on that I'm almost a hundred percent sure somebody else has done already. The metal bit that we did on Comedy Cachet.
Speaker 1:Do you guys still do the death of the week? Yeah, yeah. Dude, uh, you guys should you like accidentally tell jokes after those all the time. Just use those. Yeah, you get a big thing. What a fucking pussy, get stronger ankles.
Speaker 4:Yeah, got the guy that bought Segway and then drove a Segway off a fucking cliff the next week.
Speaker:What a dumb cunt, dude. Right.
Speaker 3:What a dumb cunt, dude. He was like 90 years old. What are you doing on a fucking Segway, dude? Right. He had bad ankles. Alright, so what are your final thoughts? You don't you hate Ouija board? You don't even like the idea? No, I like the joke.
Speaker 1:I hate Ouija boards. Okay. I don't want them.
Speaker 3:Dude, this is the most positive feedback I've ever gotten. Tom, where are you at on Ouija board?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I mean, I like it. I added some input, and you were like, yeah, maybe not a family of 50 that was hung back in the day, but like, let's use a witch burned alive on, you know. And I'm like, that's a good point.
Speaker 3:So for all my English nerds out there, hanged would have been the uh proper term to use.
Speaker 4:Yeah, see, well, we're in southern Indiana, nobody gives a fuck over here, and uh it works out pretty well.
Speaker 3:So, do you uh so you know you hang a picture like you would hang a person? Yeah, but if I did it yesterday, I hung it. Did you hang are you hung? Is a picture hanged? Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Well, only until it's hung. There was a slip there. Did you just ask him if he was hung? Well, I was I I said I said, Are you hanged?
Speaker 4:You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Would you say I'm hanged?
Speaker 3:You know? Well, I'm just curious. I think I think with pictures, I think I hanged that picture yesterday. Would would be appropriate. I don't know. I hung that photo yesterday.
Speaker 4:Whatever, dude.
Speaker 3:Fucking here we go.
Speaker 4:Uh uh, I we got like two different ones here. I think I'm gonna go with uh I would do them both, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Okay, yeah, you should start. You know, Paul Briggan, who's been on some of these before. Uh he claims to be Jewish.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Paul. Yeah. Paul.
Speaker 4:Paul has every Sunday and Wednesday, though, he's at a Catholic Mass, you know? Not a big tipper. And uh, so I was uh we found this out recently that he actually, you know, he may be Jewish, but he doesn't attend the synagogue. And so I was like, I was like, Paul's an undercover Jew. And I was like, dude, could you imagine that TV show?
Speaker 1:That's just undercover boss. But you're Jewish. Uh I anything is possible. Yeah. So if you make money and aren't in debt, yeah. Dude, what if are if they were coming into my workplace, I'm sniffing them out instantly.
Speaker 3:Here's where, dude, here's where uh my brain. My brain goes to a weird place when you go undercover Jew. I'm thinking, okay, it makes sense that he's attending mass, uh, he's like playing, you know, he's kind of getting the in on what the Christians are up to. What if he starts like sneaking into the fucking what if he starts sneaking into mosques and like Buddhist temples and stuff? Now he's like gone, now he's rogue. Now he's off the bridge. Now he's going deep and he's just trying to do all this theological research.
Speaker 1:I do feel you're like you're not allowed to go in there unless you have a couple of characters. I know you guys know what I mean. No, you guys are getting it all wrong. I'm talking about the Massad here.
Speaker 4:We're just we're showcasing Massad missions, but we're just calling the show Undercover Jew. I don't know what the word Massad is. You're running full Masad is like their their spies, their high intelligence. Oh, okay. I was trying to make a joke there with uh yeah.
Speaker 3:You have to realize I'm very stupid. Uh I don't politically I'm actually fucking retarded. Um I don't know the difference between because they go undercover and make pages blow up. Like I asked you the other day what the difference between Palestine and Israel is. I fucking know I don't fucking know. There isn't if you go back to an old map. I don't fucking know. I don't know actually the year. Whoever's thinking it's like 1940. Whoever's fucking winning. I'm bandwagon. I'm on whoever's winning so far.
Speaker 1:The Dolphins at the same I do I do gotta say, I think they're I think they you could say they're creaming them right now.
Speaker 2:Pretty I mean pretty low standards to have to who's creaming for one claim to be winning.
Speaker 4:I don't think we got time to just have a large bleach section of the podcast. I think maybe we go to my next bit, which might not be true anymore after this comes out.
Speaker 1:They're running a clinic on I thought they're running a natural clinic. I thought the whole thing it's horrible.
Speaker 3:I thought it was funny to say, like, I'm on whose ever side is winning. I was just trying to make a you know a little bit, you know what I mean? Um it's okay, I got one for you. Ready?
Speaker 5:Yeah, hit me.
Speaker 4:This just in Brian doesn't watch the news. Nor can I spell news. Okay, on to our next little bit is I was telling Brian that I know my phone's not tapped, right? Yeah. Because like we say crazy shit on the podcast, but then every now and then I'm like, yo, if this deal doesn't work out, I'm gonna shoot up a sole or something. You know, just like no, that's not what I say, but you know what I mean? Like, there's something crazy like that in a message. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm like, dude, like I'm not being followed anywhere, you know. Like, I I know my phone's not tapped, and if it is, that dude has very good at his job, you know.
Speaker 3:He said, we don't have time for a large bleep stash. Also, check out this next bit. Um What the fuck? Not leaving it in. Uh okay. Jesus Christ. You could have gone with like uh I didn't have another unibomb or anything more playful than fucking something so sensitive.
Speaker 4:Uh but you you actually had a comeback on this that I thought was pretty good that you could tie in.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so my thought was um oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So you have two, yeah, because I said you have two approaches to writing this joke. You could approach it as I have a friend that I really, really trust. You could use that angle as the premise, or you could do what was my other premise? Um, oh, I don't trust the government. Because event eventually this joke tells both sides of that. But you could as your lead up or your build up, you could start with one of those two, and you could be like, Yeah, I don't trust the government since you know you guys are the Patriot Act, I almost call it freedom of information again. You were gonna say it wrong. But anyway, since the Patriot Act, you know, like I I just don't trust the government. They're always listening to our calls and shit, you know what I mean? So when they're listening, you know, I know I'm cool because sometimes I just say crazy shit to my friends, like this doesn't work out. I'm fucking, you know. Yeah. You get it? I'm gonna 9-11. Yeah. I'm thinking 9-12, dude.
Speaker 4:Let's rack them up.
Speaker 3:Uh or the joke could go, uh I have a friend that I really, really trust. I I would trust uh I would trust him with my life and I I run everything by him, including this podcast, yada yada yada. And uh sometimes, you know, whenever how did I how did how did you basically just mention you got a buddy that leads you some crazy ass voicemails? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and we never saved Jake's voice. Voicemails because we were gonna play him. Fuck me in the ass, dude. God, that was gonna be so funny. But yeah, basically, you have a friend that you trust so so much that you say wild shit to, and you just know they'll never say anything to anybody. Like, oh yeah. He's never joked about blowing up a building before. Do you have a friend like that, by the way?
Speaker 1:I have I mainly co-workers. I feel like mainly co-workers. I don't know if I'd call them friends, some of them. I I I love most of the dudes I work with.
Speaker 4:But like if I just take a five-gallon bucket of fertilizer home every week, I could blow up a building in a matter of two months.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I swear to god, dude. Um, but yeah, I I do like the uh the phones being work with old people.
Speaker 1:Do they ever say crazy shit to you? Oh, they have to.
Speaker 2:Uh I mean, not so much recently, but I I I have heard some crazy shit. Yeah.
Speaker 4:If you don't give me this fucking penicillin, I'm gonna give Patrice across the hall, chlamydia.
Speaker 3:If uh if you ever hear them mention things like Vietnam was a false flag operation, just know they're telling the truth. That's not crazy shit. Okay, folks. 9-11 was an inside job. That's not crazy. Uh yeah, fucking Padre's onto something over here. Um, but yeah, dude, I I like uh I like the phones being tapped slash freedom of information or a Patriot Act joke. I think that's a good bit, dude. For sure I like it a lot. Yeah, I just gotta tell it way differently. Yeah, I I think you tell it. Oh, you already said it once, just talk about fucking sh I've been trying to work into clean shit, guys.
Speaker 1:Well, welcome to the days, Grim Dude. Glad to have you back.
Speaker 4:Drinking bleach or like I I really haven't been doing that much comedy.
Speaker 1:I need to get back on the track. Oh, you're slacking? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:Would it be would it be wrong to attend a clean comedy event, but all your jokes are just about cleaning products, but they're super dark?
unknown:Ooh.
Speaker 3:Like drinking bleach. Just 20 minutes of Tide Pod material. Right? Dude, I've been hitting some music lately. You could wear those gloves? I'm still trying to bring it up. I didn't know you made music. Yeah. Oh, you're making music? What kind of music you make? K-pop. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, fucking.
Speaker 3:I don't know. Dude, you have no idea how hard you just got me and then how quickly immediately I became flaccid. Told him to set that one up.
Speaker 1:Um I've also got some pranks for you that I'm not gonna be telling you about. I've already got uh I've got some pranks for you that I've on tonight's show? No. Okay. I'm not ready, dude. Yeah. He just pulls out him. That's the first prank. I did, I did I did mention that at a bad open mic last week, pulling out a gun. I was like, what if I just pulled a gun out and threatened everybody if they didn't pay attention and laugh? I was gonna kill myself. What how did they take that? I didn't say that up there.
Speaker 4:You should have though. This was to put it in your mouth, laugh right now. No.
Speaker 1:It was kind of a special kind of horrifying experience because there were a lot of people, but no one was listening. Right. That's good.
Speaker 3:That's good. Yeah, because they might evacuate in shelter in place for something like that. You know what I mean?
Speaker 4:Dude, this is where props come in. You need to put on some cleaning gloves and have a bleach bit, you know, some die pods.
Speaker 1:I dude, I do evacuate. I fucking I I do I not. I literally, I every time I'm up there, I apparently don't show it that much, but I will I will feel it in my chest. And as soon as the feeling gets too big, I go, all right, I fucking hate you guys. Uh thanks for this. I'm Zach. And put the mic up. No, you don't.
Speaker 2:You closed your setup with all right, you guys suck. Alright, guys, I'm no longer enjoying this. I'm gonna get off of here.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. This blows. I'm out. Yeah, it's a it's a horrifying challenge.
Speaker 4:Hey, table one, can you please look at me? All right, I'm done.
Speaker 3:Oh my god, dude.
Speaker 2:That's a bold strat, dude. Honestly, I'm with it. I support you. I mean, you can kind of go crazy in those situations because like if no one's paying attention anyway, you're like Nobody reacted to me saying that.
Speaker 3:You know? Yeah. Like I think that uh in a situation like that, you just go harder. You know what I mean? Yeah, you leave it in.
Speaker 6:I don't know.
Speaker 4:Just stand there quietly. Yeah, leave it in. Just stand there quietly. Just eat up your time. I mean, until you get the red light to get off stage, just sit there quietly, see if you might notice. Play your guitar. Play some K Pop.
Speaker 3:If you ask your buddy Gallagher about that, he'll tell you to go fuck yourself. Uh but I think that it's awesome to juggle during an open mic. Stand up computer.
Speaker 4:Get one of those Chinese smoke bomb things and throw that on the ground. Set the alarm off and walk away.
Speaker 3:Like a magic, like a shitty magic show, just and you're still standing there.
Speaker 1:If you guys did K-pop, would you do it in an Asian accent?
Speaker 3:Oh my god.
Speaker 2:That's a good question, actually. I mean, so there are British people who sing in American accents, right? Uh Keith Urban, prime example. Bingo. I think he's from Australia.
Speaker 1:Same difference, brother. I saw something the other day uh that you know, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman split. They did? Yeah. Oh, dude, they've been married for so long. Top comment was uh who's gonna get the custody of the hair straighteners?
Speaker 4:Dude, I wonder if they've had a house fire from one of them leaving a straightener on a shop.
Speaker 3:Surely to God, they've roasted a couple of places by now, you know what I mean? God, you see the hair follicles on that gentleman? Jesus, Murphy. Rogan. Shoot. Well, it's just so straight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for somebody like you, I'm sure. I just I just quit the old Rogan. I'm gonna I'm gonna be rocking a little bit, you magic here. Hell yeah, dude. You won't do it, no boss.
Speaker 4:Well, Schultz said uh hair medicine made him sterile. Who did? Schultz. Andrew Schultz. Oh fuck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it made his dick knock. I didn't I haven't done it for like too long. I've done it for like a year and a half, two years, and I'm gonna just give up on it. Because I I would like kids someday. We got married since the last time I was on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, nice.
Speaker 3:Anyways, um, so we were nice, glad you brought that up. Uh happy life. We were joking before you came up. We were like, we're not even gonna mention Zach getting married. Not let me talk about it either. I d I want to. I love her, dude. That's awesome, man. I'm really pumped for you. Yeah, cool. And now you have a new stick of material you can write about. Okay, so where are you guys at on where are you guys at on these two? Undercover uh Judaism and um phones not being or phones being tapped. Phones not being tapped.
Speaker 1:I love undercover Judaism.
Speaker 3:Okay, big fan of that one as well.
Speaker 1:And that would go very well at an open mic that Paul Braggan is currently sitting at. Everybody loves making it maybe just me making Jew jokes at Paul Braggan at Paul. You address him on the microphone, hey Paul. Yeah, I I said something about I don't know. Something I something guessed the race, and it was clearly a Jew, and and Paul guessed it, and I was like, my next uh my next hint was Paul.
Speaker 2:I did a thing. Oh, poor Paul, dude. I did a thing at uh Spanky's one night where I I when I first started performing comedy, it was one thing I first noticed. I was like, everyone's making a lot of Jew jokes towards this guy. Hot button topic. So I went up there and I was like, Paul, are you is it true? Are you Jewish? And he was like, Yeah, something like you know, something like 20% or something. So full of fucking shit. And I go, okay, so would you call that, you mean, so you're you're Jewish? Yeah. Nice, dude. Nice, dude. I remember that one, I like that one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 4:You enjoy some wordplay?
Speaker 2:I do a lot of um recently I do a lot of one-liners, and that's kind of more so for like nerves. What's your favorite one-liner? Just hit me with it, go. That I do, or just all the time. Yeah, you do.
Speaker 3:Or it could be somebody else's. That's actually cool too.
Speaker 2:Uh recently I've been doing this bit, uh, which I can only do it until it's not funny anymore about Ozzie Osborne. Oh, yeah. And I say, oh man, that's the circle of life, you know? Ozzie Osborne, Ozzie Oz died.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Nice, dude. Okay, nice. Tom's like uh big word play word. Even for a guy who can't fucking read or spell, blows my fucking mind. He's a huge word fucking play guy.
Speaker 4:Listen to a lot of words, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:It's like kids who who can't eat and they just play with their food, it's the same thing. Just words.
Speaker 4:Dude, I saw benign written down the uh today for like the first time ever, and I was like, I was reading, and I was like, but oh, benign? That's how you spell that word. Yeah, cool.
Speaker 3:For 30 years he thought it was a racial slur. You know what I mean? He's like, whoa. We're just putting this out in the open. Right. I thought Ben Nine was the guy before Ben. Well, doctors are saying this shit, dude. This is not cool. Whoa.
Speaker 2:I thought Ben Nine was like the science guy.
Speaker 3:Ben Nine. This sounds like I like a good one-liner, though. You know who who was the master of the one-liners and he died? Uh heroin overdose. Mitch Hedberg. Yeah, dude. Ugh. Rest in peace, brother. Damn. Lost a good one. Titanic.
Speaker 4:Is that a joke? With a berg on the end of his name?
Speaker 1:I just thought it'd be like an autistic anything that's been working lately.
Speaker 2:I mean, the better question is have you been at an open mic where audiences are listening lately?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you gotta stop performing in Illinois. You're gonna hate this one that I've been working on. I love that. I'm gonna hate it. I love that. Yeah, you and your four dogs downstairs are gonna hate this. Um I thought you were a dog. I am.
Speaker 3:Oh fuck. Hear me out. Okay. Alright, here we go with anti-dog speech from Zach Pollard.
Speaker 1:No, it's just like I grew up on a farm and like I am pretty I'm used to seeing inconvenient dogs just kind of disappearing, you know. And it's just basically along the lines of like if my dog ate a bunch of tampons and had uh $5,000 surgery, I'm gonna put my dog down. No, I'm tapping that dog. Dog's out. Or cloning that dog.
Speaker 3:Spending the five glaring.
Speaker 1:$900 is what I will spend.
Speaker 3:That's not bad. I don't hate that. Everybody's not a price. Yeah, maybe it's just an agreeable statement. I didn't think was that agreeable. I didn't write down any jokes. I just brought agreeable content.
Speaker 1:What do you guys think? That's pretty good. I like that. I like that. Dogs only have like five personalities, and I hate four of them.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but also growing up on a farm, you probably saw 40 fucking cats that were inbred and kept breeding nonstop and pissing everywhere. Have you seen that? Those got excavated, too. Yeah, dog, these farm people take any unwanted litter and bag them up and toss them in the river.
Speaker 1:At my at my great grandpa's house when I was a kid, we'd go up there and they had like 50. It was awesome. Uh PET uh, just tune out for this uh segment of the show. We're not gonna just large bleach segments. We're not sending them get fixed, man. Yeah, no, fuck it.
unknown:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Ready for that? Yeah. They'll die. Yeah, dude. You'll be fine. Yeah. Circle of life. I love cats too. Aussie born, I'll be a animal I'm an animal lover at the end of the day.
Speaker 4:All the dogs Aussie out there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, some of them gotta die. I don't know. Okay. Yeah, it has been working. It's a good bit. I think it's a good bit.
Speaker 3:I like that one. I like it. Yeah, so it so essentially if my dog uh eats a whole fucking thing of chocolate, I'm not gonna pay for the medicine. I'm just gonna clap him. I might not may not go to the vet. I get it. Yeah. I get it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Just give the dog some fatty.
Speaker 3:And there's also something to be said about folks that are spending fucking $20,000 on their animals for like immediate spinal cords.
Speaker 4:Immediate stuff's crazy. But if you think about it, like you spend over nine, like I uh for to get both my dogs their yearly vaccinations, it's probably gonna be like 900.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's part of owning an animal. As long as it's spread out.
unknown:Yeah.
Speaker 1:As long as it's just payment plan for the dog, I'm cool with that. When you gotta hit a any kind of price for him, I'm out.
Speaker 3:No, I'm done. I'm tapping out, dude.
Speaker 1:You met my dog earlier. You would understand my opinion on it right now.
Speaker 3:Is it safe to say your dog is an anti-vaxxer? Let's just cut to let's just cut to the cut the fat. Let's just get there. You know what I mean? She's missed a couple. That's why she's got all that energy. She's got no vaccines on her. Yeah.
Speaker 4:She's very she's just out here autistic dogs are cool as shit. So you've been giving her what is that Tylenol? I feel like all dogs are autistic to some degree. Yeah. Dude, I got a cat. No, dog. I got a cat that f is full-on as burgers. This this cat drools. Like, like this cat had to have gotten she was at the rescue, so she had to got into somebody's stash somewhere. This cat is like Hermafride. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen that. Like I've seen toddlers shake this cat and it didn't twitch at all. Like this cat drools this cat. Like, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I sat there and I watched and I watched. God, dude.
Speaker 3:Just I can't believe you're just out here letting people shake your cats. Jeez. Anyways, dude.
Speaker 4:They get to it before I do. Fuck it. It's not gonna fuck it up, you know. It's not getting like shaking cat syndrome.
Speaker 2:One thing I like about that joke too is I think you know, you're hitting a nerve. It's a joke that hits a nerve, but like just with dog people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There are people who can offend dog people.
Speaker 3:And weirdly, people that don't have dogs that want dogs. Right. Maybe they live in an apartment, but they have this infatuation with the canine species, and they're like, they love dogs, they love being around them. And I'd recommend you don't.
Speaker 4:I'd recommend I wonder if you advise I wonder if you took it as like uh you took it a step farther and you're like, dude, my neighbor's dog. Like they're like, they got like a trailer. Like describe your neighbor like having no money at all, and you're like, I'm just waiting for their dog to get sick. Like that dog keeps me up all night, and you're like, I know they can't go fund me $900 to save this dog.
Speaker 3:I got a good one for you, Tom. I got no money, but also I've got gnome money. Yeah. You feel me? Yeah. I got gnome because there's a lawn gnome on the yeah.
Speaker 1:All right, moving forward. Uh that would be good when we praise the attachment you just made in your head, Brian. That was fire though. Yeah. I appreciate it. Always be connecting. I hope mind your surroundings. That's the military, you know. I'm fucking locked in. Dude, I'm like if you drive a few adderalled a day, fucking joke master.
Speaker 3:Do you remember when Ford used to make like solid front axles and you had to go like twist the hubs to lock it into four-wheel drive? Oh, yeah. I'm like a Ford that's been put into four-wheel drive, and only one of the hubs has been locked in. So you're just kind of doing weird three-wheeled burnouts all over the place.
Speaker 1:Possi tracks all over the fucking place.
Speaker 3:Just skipping. Yeah. That's me. I'm just that shaky F-250, dude. You know, just doing my doing the Lord's work. Yeah. You know? Uh, give her hell, boys. Okay, so I'm on board with dog uh kill dog. Yeah. Dog kill. Okay. Yeah. Kill dog. I like kill dog. Where are you at on it? Where are you at?
Speaker 2:I'm I like it. I've seen him do it a couple of times. I think that's a good one.
Speaker 1:Me?
Speaker 2:I have. We haven't even gotten to him yet. I just said just give me your first one-liner. I just hit him on the spot. I'm still expecting more. And I've thought of more than that. I'm like, oh no, that one's better. That one's better. That's how it goes when everybody's like, what's your favorite band?
Speaker 3:Go, and you're like, fucking uh Green Day. Led Zeppelin, and you're like, oh, but fucking, what about Leonard Skinner?
Speaker 2:And then you go, wait a minute, I hate Green Day. Why did I say that? God, dude.
Speaker 4:Uh but yeah, dude, what do you like kill the dog? I don't like killing dogs, but yeah. There's stuff there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's where Tom draws a line. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You have officially, for the first time ever, upset Tom.
Speaker 1:Not dog.
Speaker 4:Like, I got like 30 rabbits at my house, and you're gonna come swack some rabbits, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:Oh, god.
Speaker 3:I swear to God, he's all about like keeping his dogs alive, but he'll fucking swack a rabbit tomorrow, dude.
Speaker 1:I don't know how to put it, but Tom's a real big fan of the German shepherds. Dude, but it's no, no, they're police dogs.
Speaker 3:I don't I don't I'm not a big fan of the German Shepherds. He only gives them German cards. Yeah, you don't, yeah, yeah, because of the paraphernalia.
Speaker 4:And like that that part I mentioned about like, you know, neighbors not affording to take dogs to the vet that are annoying. That might be me.
Speaker 3:You know, like yeah, that might check out. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I would love I would love to see like a sign for you running for politics. No, I couldn't ever.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Homeboys out here trying to start the world.
Speaker 1:Pro euthanasia dog, I'm trying to buy a county, and once I buy a county, yo. There's certain kind of people that we almost got. We almost got 'em.
Speaker 4:Um well, do you only kill your gay dogs?
Speaker 3:Told you. Plot twist, coming back to gay dog. That changes the joke. He said no comment. I think my dog's gay, so you're writing it down.
Speaker 1:Okay. Okay. I don't know how it would tell me that it'd probably come on your friends.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, action speaking.
Speaker 4:If you get your dog fixed. Or if it's a hermaphrodite. I think that's Ooh, does that happen with dogs? I'm sure it does. Ooh, spicy.
Speaker 1:Little intersex dog action. Okay. I can rock with that. I'd be I dust I'd be fine with yeah. Blast your hermaphrodite dog with testosterone. Just you know, pick a side, bro. We gotta figure this out. If it is if it's an annoying gay dog, one of those little teacup poodles.
Speaker 3:Fuck. Don't want to spend five thousand dollars on conversion therapy. Gross. Yeah. No, I'm I'm big on that, dude. I'm here with them, dude. I stay. Well, whatever they're doing with TVTQ. Keep it in.
Speaker 4:I'm here with them, dude. It's like they call it Netflix.
Speaker 3:Hey, you guys do whatever you want, man. Just you know, you didn't see that's where I'm at.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'd stay away from it. It's hard to do comedy if you don't watch the news. Do you guys agree? Do you think that's true?
Speaker 1:If you don't stay up to date, yeah, I stay like decently up to date on things. I like it. But I don't I don't hate a ton of politics. I talk a lot of fucking Casey Anthony and like pop culture and killing dogs, is what my whole set is right now. Okay, well that's nice, dude. Hey, can you I mean Casey Anthony from the get-go, you know? Yeah, I know, and I need to find something married now. Well, she was like the she was like my wife comes to our every single show. You know what I mean? It's super awkward. She's like, I'm getting real tired of it. I at the end of the day, like, don't you know? You're no different than anybody that wanted to find out. I I thought Casey Anthony was a very fine.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just give it a spin.
Speaker 2:That was a big part of the story, too, was that this attractive woman, you know, allegedly committed this uh horrible crime. Thank goodness she was innocent though. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:She's like, I can't fit a six months.
Speaker 1:You wrote another one.
Speaker 4:Pollard, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before I forget it, you could do like Casey Anthony was like the OJ of our times, like and then like do a bit about like her trying to put like a six-year-old in a trunk and be like, yeah, see, it doesn't fit. You know, it's just like the arms clearly just hanging out and she's trying to close it.
Speaker 3:If the baby dog fit, you must have quit, dude. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well I don't know if you guys ever experienced like when you try to if you're just imagine you're sitting at a bar, you're talking to some women and stuff, and you try to bring up like how crazy your ex was after they bring up how crazy their ex was. Oh, it becomes a game, yeah. Well, they're always like, but what did you do? Yeah, you know, yeah, and I don't know. I just chose multiple bad partners, it's not my fucking fault.
Speaker 4:I chose not to be there, dog. That's why holy fuck. That's why it didn't work out.
Speaker 3:I'm telling you, I'm good at reading the signs. I was dating women that were illegally purchasing bins of diazepine. You know what I mean? Like they were zand bees, dog. I wasn't making proper decisions, dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was 12. I was not thinking clearly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was like, Oh, dude. Uh she was my teacher. Yeah, shout out to Big Pharma, by the way. Uh dude, real pumped on uh yeah, killing the dog. I like I want to see more Casey Anthony material. I know you're trying to back away from it. I'm a big fan. Yeah, yeah. Leave it in. Yeah, leave it in, dude. Leave it in. If that's who you are, dude, just let it ride. Let it if it comes natural to you, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. I don't think about her a lot anymore. It's like Lisa Ann, you know? Yeah, she's irrelevant now. Well, she she moved on.
Speaker 2:You probably should too, you know.
Speaker 3:Casey Ann.
Speaker 1:Dude, she uh she does she does have a boyfriend. I know. Does she? You look you've you've seen this as well. Well, she's also a league legal advocate on TikTok.
Speaker 4:Well, yeah, I bet. Oh my god. I mean, OJ probably is too. Yeah. We got TikTok lawyers now.
Speaker 1:OJ's not with us. Well, we get a Ouija board, you know. Yeah, there we go. There we go.
Speaker 4:Well, the AI, you know, maybe he wrote a book. They can take the book and maybe get you out.
Speaker 1:I wonder if he's lying next to his girlfriend that he definitely murdered. Murdered. Oh, definitely did. Did you guys That's another one that is weird.
Speaker 3:It's just like, how do you get away with it? And then the guy, too. Wasn't there a guy that got killed during the altercation too? Wasn't there like a guy? Yeah, I'm sure. Wasn't there like a butler or something that was involved in the whole situation? He was like uh they like a coworker. They were like friends. Yeah, and he fucking diced up homeboy too.
Speaker 1:Damn.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was a dub.
Speaker 1:This is this was quite a double kill, dude.
Speaker 3:Quiet before my kill.
Speaker 1:All this shit. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I think this was a little before I was born too, 93 or something like that. 91. I don't know when were you born. I was born in 93. It was like what's your social security number? Uh I do not know. I do not know. Are you supposed to are you supposed to know these things? I'm 94. You are 94.
Speaker 1:I know I double taked on it today.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, dude. That's nice.
Speaker 4:Dude, uh, okay, so this this made me think. Do you saw Low Speed Pursuit? Did you see that article I shared the other day? Oh, I gotta read you this article. What article is that? This is perfect for a comedy cachet. Are we fresh off the press, the best news article I've read in the last fucking few months? This is glorious. Coming from Evansville area, too. Oh, I saw this.
Speaker 3:Oh, this guy looks like a winner. You want to read this, Brian? Yeah, I'd love to. From 14 News. Well, you mute that video. Oh, the video's not playing. Okay. Um, yeah, so this is coming from one4news.com. Quote I knew I was cooked, end quote, street racer charged after speedy arrest on the Lloyd Expressway.
Speaker 4:EPD says you know that Lloyd Expressway was named after Mayor Lloyd, who was actually murdered by his mistress. Fun fact. Fun fact for you. Alright.
Speaker 3:Covered it on the podcast.
Speaker 1:It's a fitting name for Um Evans.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just named after a guy that got murdered. Uh and he was retired. Like he wasn't the mayor at the time either. Like he was I think he may have been dead, and then they named it anyways. I think people die on it. Uh here. Daily. Daily. Daily? I think probably. Yeah. Now you tell me. I don't know. Um I take the back roads. Evansville, Indiana, WFIE reports a 23-year-old man from Kentucky was given a swift trip to jail after street racing on the Lloyd Expressway. That's according to the Evansville Police Department who arrested Probably shouldn't say the name, even though if you're screen watching right now, you see it yourself, of Hopkinsville late Wednesday night. Police say shortly before 10 PM, an officer parked near the intersection of Division Street and Inglewood Avenue uh was watching for he was there watching for speeders on the Lloyd Expressway when a Dodge Challenger and a sport bike lined up next to each other. Officers say the bike and the muscle car revved their engines before taking off and speeding down the Lloyd. According to an affidavit, the Challenger's speed was measured at eighty-seven miles per hour in a fifty mile per hour zone, and both vehicles were speeding away. The officer says he quickly merged onto the Lloyd and tried to catch up, but lost sight because of how fast the suspects were traveling. The EPD officer says at one point his speedometer read 112 miles per hour, but was still not closing any distance on either vehicle. Police say after about three miles, the officer caught up to the challenger near Wabash Avenue after it had slowed down and was able to pull the driver over. The officer approached the driver and asked him, quote, who won the race, end quote, to which the driver identified as responded he did. That's a direct quote. He did, end quote. The driver the official the officer says he could smell alcohol in King on Blank's breath. Yeah, on King's breath, so he administered a portable breath test. Police say after ten times of failing to give proper breath sample, King blew a 083.083. While officers spoke to King's passenger, his girlfriend, she told him, quote, they just started driving next to each other and doing what guys do. You know, I wasn't condoning it by any means. And quote, thanks for that valid input, Tiffany.
Speaker 1:Uh during the ride to the hospital for a 16-year-old whose name they couldn't include because you fucking car guys during the ride to the hospital for a chemical test.
Speaker 3:The officer and King had a conversation about the race. The transcript of this conversation in the affidated reads as EPD, you got it up to 87. King, that's what you clocked me at? Damn, I did better than I thought. I thought you got me at top speed, EPD. No, I didn't. I only got you at 87. So was he revving his engine or was he doing the reeling to reel you in? Or what was he doing to reel you in? King, who? EPD. The motorcycle guy. King. No, he was full on. We were Zammin. Hold on, hold on. No, just let me just get this out. No, he was full on. We were Zammin. He was, I mean, hypothetically, he was on it just as hard as I was. Hypothetically, if I was to be hauling ass. And quote. Oh, yeah. End quote. So hypothetically, how fast did where you guys going? Again, King, hypothetically, I think we were doing about 110. Why would you tell? And he says, he goes on to say, which was, you know, uh for a V6. I have to say, just way too fast.
Speaker 1:He didn't have to say it was a V6 challenger. We couldn't tell from this story.
Speaker 3:But that's how fast I clocked him. EPD. So you were doing 110 and he was going faster than that, though? King. No, no. He was going 110. I was going 87. EPD. No, you weren't, King. That's what you clocked me at. That's how fast I was going. He was going a good 110, 111. I love the 110 or 111, folks.
Speaker 1:EPD.
Speaker 3:You knew that he was technology on board that says uh EPD. You knew that he was going 110, King. Yeah. Yeah, just because of my military experience and excellence, I was able to deduct that. EPD deduce. King. Yeah. Scientifically. King. Ha. I knew I was cooked. Quote. Or no, yeah. I knew I was cooked because I seen you. And then he pulled up next to me and was like, quote, good job, end quote. He gave me a thumbs up and then took off. And I was just like, oh, maybe the Dodge lights behind behind my are like a really happy challenger, bro. My girlfriend said, quote, what's that shit on the roof? End quote. I'm like, uh, jail? That's what that is.
Speaker 4:It was booked on Bond and he's on the out.
Speaker 1:This kid, this kid, how old is he?
Speaker 4:Like 24?
Speaker 1:He is 23. Okay, I was about to say, I thought he was 19. I'm 24 brother. Two things.
Speaker 3:Two things.
Speaker 1:You gotta stop doing this.
Speaker 3:Woman riding shotgun for sure. A minor. For sure, a minor. Second thing. This king fella needs to come on for a comedy cat show. Because he is crushing ass in an affidavit while being arrested.
Speaker 2:Fucking just crushing ass, dude. The cop goes, Who won the race? He's like, Oh, he did. Alright, well, how fast was the other guy going? Who? What are you talking about?
Speaker 1:Dude, I really used to be into cars, but every single guy is like this. Yeah. And it's so fucking all of them will share that. All the fucking lame shit that's like Paul Walker. Yeah. I hope I'm smiling when I die. Yeah. I'm pushing. Paul Walker burnt to death. Rest in peace, bro. But he probably wasn't. I assume he wasn't smiling. I feel like he probably was screaming. Yeah. Likely. Likely. Probably for loved ones.
Speaker 2:I like to think he stuck true to his word, you know? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All the way to the end. I live my life a quarter mile at a time.
Speaker 1:He's he sat there ten and two.
Speaker 3:I said it, I'm gonna do it. Oh shit. Uh, thank you for bringing that to my attention. Also, King, if for some fucking reason you see this podcast.
Speaker 4:I know. I figure we might cut out a segment. We might just leave that one in.
Speaker 1:No more what we send to each other on Instagram. You might like that. I got it pulled up. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, let's no goop. All right. Let's get to it.
Speaker 3:I want to hear Dylan. I want to hear Dylan's content. He brought some content today, so let's let's hear what Dylan's bringing to the table. And we still got to do a bucket too. So you guys battle up for that. Um so alright, Dylan.
Speaker 2:I have this joke. I've never done it on stage before. Perfect. Every time I see this joke, I always try to I don't know what to do with it. It's a bit long-winded. But I do these bits on stage where I like to like make shit up, like references to shit that doesn't exist. Like I reference books that don't exist. And the concept is like these movies that you've never heard or seen of that are like 20 years old by the time they get to you, and they have like all these big name celebrities in it, but they're like these crazy. I'm thinking like you guys are familiar with a film called Tiptoes? No. It's an insane movie that actually exists. And it's got Matthew McConaughey and Gary Oldman is in it. And Matthew McConaughey plays uh this like young bachelor type who's getting ready to get married, and uh or I think he is married or something like that. And uh leading up to the wedding, he's nervous to introduce his fiance to his family because his family he comes from a family of all little people, and he's the only tall person in the family. I've seen this. And he's nervous to have children with her because he's nervous they're gonna have little people babies.
Speaker 4:Yeah, because the whole movie starts with his girlfriend or his wife wanting to have kids and she doesn't know why he doesn't want to.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right. And the movie's called Tiptoes. Yeah, I've seen this. Uh so that's hilarious. You can end the joke there.
Speaker 3:That movie sounds fucking awesome. Hold on.
Speaker 2:Let's watch it right now.
Speaker 3:No joking.
Speaker 2:All right, so anyways, so that's the the concept is like thinking about movies like that. I want to like come up with like ideas for movies like oh yeah, this movie about a veterinarian, and he's trapped inside of a uh a hot tub. He gets stuck in a hot tub, and his like prize horse is like uh out running wild, and he can't do anything to go find him. And so this this poor horse doctor is stuck in his swimming in his hot tub, uh, and the film stars Matthew Perry or something like that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, like I like that. Yeah, that's good, dude. Or like that's good. You could do like Matthew Perry, like is gets horses and is like prostrate or a cow to like check the birth, and it like gets his arms stuck in the cow's ass, and then he now has to go everywhere with the cow's ass, like in his.
Speaker 2:I like it, should be a horse because uh you know he died, it was like ketamine overdose or something like that.
Speaker 4:Well, that would be even better.
Speaker 2:So that's where the horse kind of angle comes in, but uh the film's called uh chasing the horse or something like that. And being like introducing that movie on stage and being like, This is a real movie. And just don't let him in on it, be like, you guys gotta go watch this. I would usually I usually close out with, no, I just made that up. No, that dude.
Speaker 3:And if the longer you can make it, honestly, the better. Like, yeah, I think that's a joke where you just draw it out, give a bunch of jabs as you're going. Oh, when you got time.
unknown:Bro.
Speaker 4:Dude, and if you ever want to turn it into a film, like what that movie 43 or whatever it was called, where it was just like a series of comedy things like that. I talk I've talked about like writing a series of like a short film, but it's like you get just attached enough to the characters and they like drop their phone and they like bend over to pick it up and like realize like they like swerve before they go off the road, and then like a semi smokes them. So you're like, Oh my gosh, they didn't die, and then the that ends, and then another one starts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that'd be beautiful. Did you see they just did a movie a couple years ago? It was called Kinds of Kindness. No, it's kind of like what that movie is, it's just like a series of vignettes that kind of bleed into each other.
Speaker 3:Vignette sounds like something I put on my sound.
Speaker 4:It's also like a photo edit that does the corners, either lighter or darker. Oh, like on Instagram? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:That's a vign that's a vignette. Yeah. How the fuck does that make sense in a movie? I don't fucking know why they're gonna be able to do that. Filmography things. Yeah, dude. Clearly, you don't. Um I like that, dude. I think that's solid. I think if you come up with some more like off uh off the wall ideas, like and then pick your favorite one, and then you could just like swap them out like when you decide to do that movie joke, and then just see which one hits hardest. You know what I mean? Hell yeah, dude. That's solid.
Speaker 2:I do this thing, I don't know. I think it's a funny concept to just blatantly make shit up, but then like deliver it in a way that is like you're confident like this thing exists. Like I always I do this I'll set you very good at it.
Speaker 1:You're you don't have a good tell. You kind of kinda have the same look on your face all the time when you're doing sandwiches. I like it.
Speaker 2:I don't know how to make any other faces. I'm so nervous.
Speaker 1:I just you guys need to come see him here.
Speaker 4:I'm here for it, dude. Uh it'd be funny to do like an easy A sort of thing, like you could do like uh easy E doing like charity or something, and then but it's really just like easy has AIDS, so I don't know. Remember like that kit? What the fuck is happening right now? We can cut that.
Speaker 3:Oh, dude, we can cut that.
Speaker 1:Old Dill here thought he was gonna be on your guys' podcast at one point. What happened? I don't know if I should bring that up necessarily. Don't drop a name of the podcast you were on. Okay.
Speaker 2:No, no, no. We yeah, you're cool. I was I got invited to do this other Evansville podcast, and I thought it was your guys' because I'd heard of yours.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Um and it was another comedian friend of mine who had reached out to me and was like, You want to do this podcast with me? And it's like these guys out of Evansville. I was like, Oh yeah, I think I've seen that. I've seen that on around. I was like, that sounds cool. Yeah, you guys I even like looked you guys up and like watched a couple episodes. Like, I think I get their vibe, you know, or whatever. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:These are this is the greatest podcast ever. Uh horse. I'd be honored. And you like calling back and be like, dude, are is Hollywood calling you guys? What you're producing is a beautiful thing. And then come to find out, you were talking about the Day Scrum podcast. So uh thanks to all the viewers and listeners and subscribers, man. Cause really uh, you know, we couldn't do it without you. Yeah, half a million views. Hell yeah, buddy. I don't know, dude. That's uh I'll have to ask you who that was after this is over. I vaguely remember fucking podcasts. Oh, wait, is there a story that comes with the interview?
Speaker 2:I mean, it was just kind of like you show up and you realize it's not here. Well, I had like I I'd seen you guys and I get there and it's a couple other guys, and I I pull my comedy friend aside and I go, Hey, I go, is this I go, is this the Days Grimm podcast? And he goes, What's that? And I was like, Oh shit. And he was like, I was like, I don't know what this is either. He's like, they do a podcast. Uh I don't know what this is either.
Speaker 4:You show up and it's all blue comedy, and you're like, oh fuck. I watched all these guys comedy caches, and there was nothing blue about it.
Speaker 2:I don't want to talk too much. Other than all.
Speaker 3:Because they're they're hustling too, and I don't know if I think I know who you're talking about too, and I've seen a couple of their clips, and I think they do a really amazing work. Uh, if if we're both, I think we're both thinking it's the same group.
Speaker 4:Um, there's no shy guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Uh Dylan, you want to pull one of those out of the bucket? Is this the bucket we're here?
Speaker 1:Okay. No, I've been kicking up on the bucket. Sorry.
Speaker 3:Hell yeah, dude. Pollard, you could probably even grab rolling if you want. Now, this is a new thing that we just started, like Comedy Cachet 10-ish, and this is Comedy Cachet 13 that we're on today. So 14. Oh, this is 14 rather, sorry. So comedy cachet 14, everybody.
Speaker 4:Sometimes these aren't good. So at the end of every episode, we asked the person we interviewed if they had something funny to put it in there. And if they have their name on there, don't read the name out loud.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it has to be anonymous. It's like Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm gonna be honest, I can't read this at all. Gotcha. You want me to take a shot at it? Take a shot at that, yeah. Alright, let me take a shot at it.
Speaker 3:Uh the Amish are the North American Taliban. I thought that said autism. Or North Aut oh no, the no, yeah, that's Amish. Yeah, the Amish are North American, quote, North American Taliban. Well, sure they are. There we go.
Speaker 1:They do dress to say so facts. Stamps off the desk. We're just going back to agreeable material now. I've heard they're uh mean to women. How so? There's a comparison. Oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Well, can the Taliban lift an entire barn and move it to football? No, did you see like I wonder how inbred they are break?
Speaker 1:Did you ever have that happen while you were over there? Just fucking pop your head back over and just building's gone. Uh yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's just dust.
Speaker 4:Because they blew it the fuck up. We call that a drone strike, my guy.
Speaker 2:Amish do that too, only they take it down like nail by nail and just rebuild it in another place. It's fucking. Oh, they're crazy.
Speaker 3:I went up around a lot of them. I wonder what the Amish's take is on IEDs. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:I think it's the fact that you can build anything with nothing, you know?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're probably very pro IED, actually.
Speaker 4:I mean, if they can build that furnace thing that doesn't plug in, they're probably pretty good at Fucking Witchcraft, dude.
Speaker 3:I don't like 30 years. Yeah, they hunt. Surely. Yeah, surely. I think they're like the old English where they believe in like uh hunting and gathering. They believe in shotguns.
Speaker 4:You think they have to buy a lot of firepower around them?
Speaker 3:Too many people at once, Tom. I know. God, he's the worst about cutting people off. What were you saying before I couldn't hear anymore?
Speaker 1:I just they're coming into a lot of firepower in anywhere in rural America. I feel like they'd be a quickly diminished.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it would not be good. And I think they only have like breakaway shotguns and bows and arrows. Are we talking about the Amish or the Taliban?
Speaker 1:We can handle that. Dude, what if you were I've heard Taliban got a couple of extra things. Yeah. Nobody.
Speaker 4:What if you were like a traveling gun salesman and you hit up Amish communities? You think they'd buy? Bro, untapped market. Untapped market.
Speaker 1:Honestly, we're just lucky they don't have phones and know about IEDs. Those aren't horse turns over mines. Yeah.
Speaker 4:It's over when they get IEDs.
Speaker 3:Could you imagine their war cry would be like for the old country? And they're like trying to take it back, dude, on fucking horse and buggy. Just machine gun mounted to the back of a fucking buggy. Alright. That's uh that's uh Amish uh or the North American Taliban.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Not bad. Not bad. Here for it. Okay. Whatever you got going on over here.
Speaker 1:In general, they're dicks too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they're turds. That's fine. Good for them though.
Speaker 1:Still love them. Uh I uh I had man finds chicken and then options, uh cook to make meal, keep his weird ass pet, enter into a cock fight, chicken brickin', which I assume would have to be fucking a chicken. Oh, you don't know what a chicken bricking is? No, what's a chicken?
Speaker 3:Google, before we go anywhere with this joke, please do Google chicken bricking. Let's just go ahead and get this on the record for the podcast of the entire world chicken brickin'?
Speaker 2:I have no idea. I don't know what chicken brick is. Buckle up, buddy.
Speaker 3:It's uh why it's uh you gotta go chicken bricking um urban dictionary, yeah. It this is a wild ride we're about to go on here. Chick okay, here we go. Oh chicken brickin'. The act of a male having sex with an alive chicken just before ejaculation, smashing the chicken's head between two bricks, causing the chicken to go tense. Use it in a chicken.
Speaker 1:I was going on the above anyways, so there's uh Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, here's a step by step. Uh you're gonna need a live chicken. You're gonna need two bricks first, fuck said chicken, then while still mounted, take two bricks and smash the chicken's head between them. Uh the dying slash dead chicken will thrash about for 30 seconds or more if you're lucky. Um, giving you one of a kind climax rinse chicken well.
Speaker 2:Make soup. Make soup. I like that it ends with make soup. Why not? You don't want to waste it.
Speaker 1:How do you know, dude? A guy that somebody shouldn't have hired as a farmhand, fired as a har farmhand, and he fucks some pigs. Oh. Fucking head. Do you know pigs can't be?
Speaker 3:You know pigs can breathe through their butthole? You know that? That'd be a long reach. You know pigs can breathe through their butthole?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, I know they breathe through their butthole.
Speaker 3:Did you know pigs can break?
Speaker 4:Dude, I had pigs growing up. I saw your little comment and you was looking at they called me and my brother pig bricking.
Speaker 1:There's not a pig brick and dude. There's not a pig bricking.
Speaker 2:I've heard that story before, though, the old farmhand and a police officer affair thing. That's I've not heard that one.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Doesn't sound like a good story. That was a joke. Oh. Did you get that zone? Okay. I'm calling it. I'm actually stupid. Keep it in. I was looking for the article. Leaving it in. Uh chicken bricking, man. Shout out to uh Urban Dictionary. Thanks for all you great folks that keep that website up, alive, and thriving.
Speaker 1:Before we get into this, I probably do need to go home. We don't need to look at Thomas and I's Instagram DMs.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no. Uh let's do we're already at an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I was just seeing if there was one good one.
Speaker 1:But you know, I'm looking out for you and your future employment. Not me.
Speaker 3:Um but yeah, man. So that's everything I think that we needed to cover today. You want to throw in some Motown for me, big dog? And then um last minute questions, comments, concerns, shows, shows, dates, places that you have any dates. I do have one date, actually. Oh yeah, brother. This will come out in front of gas. Well, uh what? When will this come out?
Speaker 2:Um like three weeks. Three weeks. Four weeks. Okay, this date, this is definitely within that three weeks. Um so I mean I'll plug it anyway, though. Yeah, do it anyways, dude. Uh is it? What is it? I'll be in Louisville, Kentucky at Planet of the Tapes October 14th, I do believe. I've heard that place. Yeah, uh that's a Monday.
Speaker 3:I heard they shred down there, dude. That's a great place. That's a big spot. That's a very funny.
Speaker 2:What's the date on that? I th I want to say October 14th. I need to recheck my email on that though. October 14th?
Speaker 1:Fuck yeah, dude. I didn't mean that in an offensive way, also. Do you have any dates? I mean, as in I don't have any.
Speaker 2:It's fair.
Speaker 1:Nobody asked me to do anything.
Speaker 4:Um What'd you say? Said you're married now, dating's over. What do you mean? Dates. Like wordplay. This fucking guy, I'm gonna fucking off myself. Dude, I had dates today for the first time too. Oh my god. Raising joke.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna fucking off myself. Is that is that window open? No, don't you?
Speaker 3:I think it's only gonna like wound you. I don't think it'll go.
Speaker 2:Is there a gas leak in here?
Speaker 3:If I jump through your fence, you've got a real pokey fence. Real pokey. Uh okay, so do you guys now, especially for Dylan, uh, do you have any questions about the podcast? This is your first time coming on. Normally we like to kind of give the person that's, I guess, being quote, interviewed, even though this wasn't an interview. Yeah, I have one question. Questions, comments, concerns.
Speaker 2:What's your guys' favorite brand of rice?
Speaker 5:Ooh.
Speaker 2:Uncle Ben's boiling a bag.
Speaker 4:I like a good Rasserone.
Speaker 2:I'm a long grain guy myself.
Speaker 1:I'm picking up I'm picking up the Basmodi from uh Sam's Club.
Speaker 2:That's good shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's fire.
Speaker 2:It's like the pre-seasoned rice?
Speaker 1:No, it's not pre-seasoned. Oh. It's in a big old fat fucking bag. I eat so much rice.
Speaker 4:Hell yeah. Yeah. That's dope. I think everybody but the people in Vietnam like eat rice. Hell yeah. All the old guys that were in Vietnam won't touch it.
Speaker 3:Not so much. Not big fans of the rice community.
Speaker 2:Why?
Speaker 3:Uh I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:Was that any question? I I don't know. I just asked the first question that came in. No, it's perfect, brother.
Speaker 4:That's perfect. That's perfect. People need to know. People need to know who we support and why we support them. And there's like I'll I'll take the boil in the bag rice, you leave it in the fridge for the day, and then you take it out and fry it and get some fried rice. And if you throw some turmeric in it, people are like, wait, you didn't change the color answer for you.
Speaker 2:What kind of rice is this?
Speaker 3:Right. Uh witchcraft rice, man. Um I swear to God, dude, I I genuinely enjoyed uh your y'all's company. Thank y'all so much for coming in today.
Speaker 2:I have a few more mics, uh, if I can plug them if you don't mind.
Speaker 3:Dude, yeah, dates, yeah. Dates plural.
Speaker 2:So uh here in Evansville, Indiana, every Sunday, um, we do an open mic at a place called Lyle's um over on Morgan Avenue.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:Uh you can catch us every Tuesday at uh Spanky's Una Pizza Downtown Jefferson Street. Jefferson Street. And uh most recently they just started doing one at uh Tiki Bar downtown every year.
Speaker 3:Oh shit, yeah, dude. I heard about that. It's a sick setup. Yeah, Tiki Bar. It's cool, it's a cool place. The corner stage is nice.
Speaker 4:And then they do that, they do that one uh once a month in Newburgh. Oh yeah, Havens and Havens.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it used to be Jinnings, now Havens.
Speaker 2:Also, it's both at this point in time, it's both Jinnings and Havens.
Speaker 1:It's just a matter of I am gonna be reaching out to Haven's owner about making it bi-weekly too, at least. Okay, and then he's gonna bi weekly. He's gonna hear one. He he hears horrible things. I mean, Jesus Christ. No, when I windsville comedy scene. When I went to one of the open mics are insane.
Speaker 3:When I went to Jinnings, I went to a Jennings Street open mic, and there was some wild shit popping off. Uh and they all still have jobs, you know what I mean? So yeah, like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I I feel like you're one of the normal people I've met through this. It's nice that there's a lot of there's a lot of Paul Braggans out there. A lot of undercover Jews. Saying all the fucked up.
Speaker 4:You know, there's a ring in the bottom of your Zen that you can put your old ones in, so you don't have to put it in there with the others? I got VLOs, my boy. Gotcha. Gotcha. Uh getting the reward.
Speaker 1:I actually have zins in inside the.
Speaker 4:Do you ever do an upper upper decky spliffy? Oh, dude.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not going to right now. I have to get up at three. Dude. I have to get up at three, and I want to go home and get some wood.
Speaker 3:You pop one of these, dude. You're gonna start it's tropical punch. You're gonna have sex with my wife.
Speaker 4:Do you sleep with your a Velo in? No. I do. And I wake up in the middle of the night and swap it out.
Speaker 1:I did that last night, actually. That's bad, too. You don't wake it up and swap it out.
Speaker 4:It was an accident for me. I do it every night, and I swap it out in the middle of the night when I wake up. Probably. You've eaten one?
Speaker 1:I've uh awake ate one. On purpose? No, I forgot it was there.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I made this salsa and forgot it was there.
Speaker 1:Oh, you know, gallbladder, weak stomach. For like seven people in 11 o'clock in the middle of the summer last summer.
Speaker 3:And it was the VLO or whatever that made you sick, though, I guess, right? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I was like, eh, it won't make me throw up, and I was wondering. A lot of family members and uh friends had come to watch.
Speaker 3:That's the best, dude. That's the best. Like, hey mom, I know I look like shit. Check out this gay joke I wrote, you know. Alright, yeah, spin that Motown back up, baby. Um, but yeah, seriously. I genuinely appreciate you, gentlemen. Thank you guys so much. Oh, yeah. Thanks for having me. Spin another thrilling episode of the Days Grim. My name is Brian Michael Day. My name is Thomas Grimm. You can outro yourselves, gentlemen. My name is Zach.
Speaker 2:And I am Dylan.
Speaker 3:Alright, Zach Pollard, Dylan, Kennedy. Thank you guys so much. Greatly appreciate you. Godspeed. Spin that motem.
Speaker 6:Shoot a nigga like a film in a movie, nigga. Don't let him have it. All these cops shooting niggas tragic. I'm the one that's literally lavish. Like I'm playing for the magnet. I don't want to fuck a bitch, somebody made me fucking hear me.